Fear – Be My Guide

“Fear is a deceitful aid. It can embitter one’s pleasure, make life laborious and miserable, make one old and decrepit; but it cannot help one to the Good since fear itself has a false conception of the Good – and the Good does not allow itself to be deceived.”

Soren Kierkegaard

Maybe I’ve got fear all wrong. Maybe instead of protecting it’s been oppressing.

If you haven’t read it yet, read my blog post Confronting Worry: My Story (Part 1). It’s about my new found fear of flying – especially over the ocean.

After my terrifying flight across the Pacific, I was elated to be grounded and I never wanted to lift my little toe off of planet earth again. So, when my husband asked if I would consider going, once again, on the same mission trip to Japan, I’ll admit, I seized up with panic. The ‘holy’ response would have been, “Yes! That will be great! I love to serve God and I love ministering with my husband.” But, my actual inner response was, “AHHHHH! I don’t know if I can possibly fly over the ocean again! If I do, is there something I can take to knock me out for the entirety of the flight?”

I simply told my husband I’d think about it, pray about (because that’s the pious thing to do, right?), and get back to him.

But I knew, in that goading of the Holy Spirit kind of way, I just knew that I must go on this trip. Because my sole reason for saying no was fear.

What am I to do with this fear?

Should fear be a more trusted guide than the Holy Spirit?

What if, when fear screams ‘no,’ it’s a signal to boldly answer, ‘yes’?

What if the frightening, completely out-of-my-control path, is exactly the one God wants me to take?

What if fear was always meant to make us run, but we’re just running in the wrong direction?

What if, as Kierkegaard says, fear will never help us on our path to the Good – to God?

What if giving in to fear is giving up my privileges as a child of God?

What if I’ve been letting fear beat me up when I should be letting God lift me up?

George MacDonald says:

“… that is the way fear serves us: it always sides with the thing we are afraid of.”

Fear makes us all slaves.

As I contemplate this, I hear that whisper of a question that Jesus asked Peter 2000 years ago. The question Jesus asked Peter after he had fled the scene of Christ’s crucifixion. The question which reveals our true motivations. Do you love Me?

Like Peter, I’ve often feared the opinion of others and feared for my life.

Jesus, through His questioning of Peter, offered the only antidote for fear – love. Specifically, the love of God. (Were you starting to wonder what all this fear talk had to do with love? ;))

I’m beginning to recognize in myself that fear for my life is anti love for God. The two can never coexist. The only fear compatible with love is the fear of God Himself.

“Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name.” (Psalm 86:11)

Fear of anything besides the Lord reveals double-mindedness in our souls, and that, as James tells us (1:6-8), leads to an unstable life; tossed around an off kilter by all the loves, fears, desires, and temptations the world has to offer. Unity and stability are only found in fear-mingled-love of God.

So, because I want to serve God and not fear, in two weeks I will walk down that cold plastic tube into an awaiting airliner and soar over the ocean with faith. Not faith in the pilot or aircraft, but faith in the Sovereign over all. The One who holds the keys to life and death. The only One worth loving. The only One deserving of my audacious defiance of fear.

  

Don’t get me wrong, I still want to tremble when I think of what’s coming. And fear has influenced my decision – but in the opposite way it usually does. My fear for self propels me into obedience of my Savior. So in an inside-out way, fear is my guide.

“The issue is not the absence of fear, but whether or not we are building the way we live on a memorial to fear, or a memorial to trust.”

Margaret Manning Schull

 

I choose to build my life as a memorial to the only stable, sovereign and faithful One. I choose a legacy of faith in the Lord rather than a legacy of fear.

Who’s To Blame?

I could blame ‘that-time-of-the-month.’ Blame it for its intense cravings, for its water retention, for its malaise.

Maybe that’s why I’m only down half a pound this week.

I could also blame my grumpiness on my kids, my anger on my husband, my forgetfulness on too many responsibilities, my lack of sympathy on my personality.

But blame is powerless to solve my problems.

Blame comes from excuses, and excuses come from pride. My pride tells me I should be able to eat whatever I desire and not pay the consequences. It is baffled when the laws of science (calories in vs. calories out) dare apply to me! Yet, when the truth sinks in, pride tries to console me with laments of  ‘it’s not fair.’

It stings to admit that. But I will never know true victory until that sting leads to a changed mind.

Half a pound down. In light of my eating this week, I’m thankful I didn’t gain a pound instead! A wedding, going out to eat with my husband, and making cookies with my kids – all were serious temptations. I splurged some, but in retrospect, I also made a few wise choices. Like not eating after dinner, stopping after one cookie, and filling my plate with lots of veggies.

I guess I’ll call this week a semi-success. But I’m aware I need to proceed with caution!!

My husband and I leave for Japan on April 7th. My goal is to break the 150 lb. barrier by then. Right now I’m at 153.3. So close. I think it’s an attainable goal if I stay the course of responsibility instead of blame.


 

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

(Galatians 5:22-23)

This week I want to hone in on applying love (choosing to love God more than my flesh and its unhealthy desires) and gentleness. Gentleness might not make sense at first, but let me fill you in. The Greek word for gentleness actually implies humility. It’s humility that leads us to  admit our weakness and ask for help. I need God’s help on this journey and I want to be humble enough to ask for it.

I’d love to hear from you – how has your healthy lifestyle journey been going? what are some of your struggles and victories?

 

The ‘Q’ Word and The ‘E’ Word

I woke in the dark of early morning, forced down a small breakfast, and shimmied into the requisite layers of a Pacific Northwest runner. As the sun sent its light giving rays, I waited, crammed into a mass of humanity, for the starting shot. Bang! The gathered crowds cheered, the lurch of adrenaline propelled me forward, and so began the Seattle Half Marathon. My frenzied first steps soon mellowed into rhythmic pavement poundings. The first mile was exciting and sufficiently warmed my body against the cold November morning. But, the runner’s worst enemy loomed ahead: hills. The road twisted and turned up the climbing elevation and my resolve began to falter. The cheering crowds that lifted us all off the starting line were now only a few small groups or couples spotted here and there along the course. As the adrenaline wore off and difficulty made itself at home, in crept the suggestion of the ‘Q’ word: What if, maybe I should, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, it’s not really that important in the grand scheme of things; what if I just stopped? Is it worth the pain? Maybe I should quit.

It’s been two months since I commenced my health journey – Tame the Crave. And that ‘Q’ word is creeping it’s way into my mind just as it did all those years ago during my race. I’ve enjoyed some initial success and encouraging camaraderie, but the difficulties of the day-in and day-out rhythms of self-denial under the onslaught of such pleasurable temptations leave me asking some of those same questions. It wouldn’t be the end of the world, would it? Is it worth the pain? God loves me not matter what, right? Maybe I should quit.

I find myself wanting what we all want – the gain without the pain. We want the thrill of the last .1 mile of the half marathon without the 13 miles leading up to it. I find this to be true in many aspects of life, not just health. We want stuff now, so we buy the new car-furniture-TV-appliance with ‘no money down and zero interest for a year.’ We envy the fame and success of others but gloss over the laborious hours required to achieve such recognition and reward. Or maybe, and this hits closer to home, we crave intimacy with God, but we don’t invest time in our relationship with Him.

Do you know what my race required of me, and what this health journey is requiring too?

The ‘E’ word – Endurance.

God’s word has plenty to say on the topic.

Hebrews 10:36 reminds us that we, “have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.” We all need endurance to reach the finish line of whatever race we are running.

Endurance is also a key ingredient in the process of spiritual maturity. James 1:4 says, “And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” It propels us toward completeness; it fills in our gaps and leads us to holiness. It teaches us diligence, self-control, patience, and perseverance.

Endurance is an identifying characteristic of servants of God. Paul exemplifies endurance; “but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses,” (2 Corinthians 6:4).

But here’s the real kicker – biblically speaking, endurance is connected with happiness and cheerfulness! The Greek word, hupomone, refers to cheerful or hopeful constancy, patience, and waiting. Endurance sees beyond the here and now. It doesn’t get bogged down in the trivial and temporal – it forgoes fleeting pleasure for the sake of eternal rewards. James calls those who have endured blessed, or happy! “We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful” (James 5:11).

If you’ve read the book of Job lately, you know that in the midst of his trials, Job was anything but happy. But, Job endured and remained obedient, a faithful servant of God, and the end result was magnificent. Not only did God give back to Job abundantly more than what Satan took away, but Job also gained tremendous insight into God’s power, mercy, and compassion.

That’s how endurance becomes a blessing for us too. Endurance teaches us patience in moments of pain and despair, self-control in times of temptation, and true happiness when we’ve reached the end.

But how do we endure?

In her message entitled “The Path of Endurance,” the late Elisabeth Elliot (one of my favorites) makes this bold claim: ‘struggle’ is a nice way of saying ‘delayed obedience.’ OUCH! How often do I ‘struggle’ over decisions or choices, when the truth is that I haven’t yet decided to obey? And honestly, for me delayed obedience often turns in to disobedience. When I ‘struggle’ with unhealthy cravings, I’m actually opening up space in my soul for temptation to take the lead instead of deciding immediately to obey. Obedience has a way of banishing temptation, at least for a time. Enter endurance – the cheerful, hopeful, and patient obedience that promises great rewards. But it’s not a one and done deal. It’s a daily choice, a moment by moment decision.

I didn’t quit the race I began on that frigid November morning. It was hard. My body hurt. But pavement pound by pavement pound I endured. I chose to keep running. And the feeling when I crossed the finish line? Fantastic! I did it!

I haven’t achieved this in my health journey yet. I’m still in those middle miles, putting one foot in front of the other, laboring for the finish line. But I know there will be rejoicing in the end. I’m choosing obedience and wisdom. It’s far from easy, and the excitement that got me started has completely worn off, but these are the defining moments. I’m choosing to Endure, not to Quit.

 

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1)

How My Marriage Saved Me

I was a 22 year old mess when I married my husband. Poor guy hardly knew what he was getting himself into! I had yet to overcome the oppression of fear, insecurity, and anger that seized me in my teen years. 1 John 4:8 says, “He who does not love does not know God.” This was me. I was a Christian, but I didn’t understand God because I didn’t understand His love and I certainly didn’t know how to share it with others.

Twelve years have gone by now. God has taught me so many things about Himself through my marriage. And thankfully, God has used my husband as a key player in His ultimate plan to heal me by His love.

A couple years ago, I sat down to write a note to my husband for our tenth anniversary. I couldn’t help but think about the transforming power of God’s love through him and the tremendous change wrought in my soul as a result.

To  My Dearest Husband,

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear”

[This is 1 John 4:18. Not sure why, back then, I used the version with archaic language……]

For so long, even since childhood, fear has had a strong grip on my life. I would even say at times it has paralyzed me. I so desperately longed for close relationships yet they seemed so elusive because I felt so inept and fearful. This cycle only proved to bring me down and to prevent me from the growth I needed. But God in His kindness has not stopped working in my life. As I grew to better understand His love for me, fear has slowly slipped away. And as God has shown me, through you, that another person can love me just the way I am, even more fear is relieved and is replaced with a sure confidence in who I truly am and what God really thinks of me because of His Son.

Your role in this growth is monumental. Without your unconditional love, I know I would still be the same fearful, angry, hurting teenager that I am so glad to be rid of. Thank you for showing me that I too can love this way. I think this will be my next great challenge – now that I am finally learning to be loved, I can truly begin to love others unconditionally. I am convinced that the most powerful catalyst for change in someone’s life is God’s love, especially when it is manifested through those who love Him.

Please know that I mean this all with the greatest sincerity and that I truly desire to show you even more how much I love you in the 10 years to come!

I love you so much and wouldn’t trade our life together and our family for the world!

Lovingly,

 

 

God used my marriage to save me. It saved me from a loveless life. It took one person and his unrelenting love and commitment to me to break through the pernicious walls of fear and lies I had constructed to ‘protect’ myself. My husband’s willingness to be a conduit of God’s love served to draw me in, closer to God’s love.  

But he’s not the only one who has shown me God’s love: parents, siblings, extended family, friends – the list is massive – have all contributed too. That’s the beauty of the Body of Christ! We are truest to our identity when we Love. Period.

That’s what it takes for any of us to be healed by Love. It doesn’t have to be marriage. Maybe it’s a brother, a sister, a friend. Whoever it is, God’s love at work in His people changes lives. It changed mine. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

Can I offer some encouragement to those of you feeling fearful, insecure, and angry? To those feeling a bit – or a whole lot – of a mess? Tune your minds to the Love around you. It is there. God is living and active in His people. Maybe, like me, it’s been so easy to get wrapped up in your own feelings that you miss the love your spouse, family member, or friend is showing you. They aren’t perfect, but neither are you. Intentionally see the love – and then accept it. You have a responsibility to recognize and reckon with the truth. If you chose to shirk this responsibility, then you are ultimately the one to blame. I can boldly say these things because I have been there. We are not victims to our emotions or to lies, we are culpable for what we choose to believe. Don’t be like the nation of Israel in Malachi 1:2: “‘I have loved you,’ says the LORD. Yet you say, ‘In what way have You loved us?’” They dared to say this back to God after his millennia of favor toward them. Have regard for the lavish Love of your Heavenly Father!

And to those of you spouses, friends and family members doing your best to share God’s love with someone like me: Don’t give up. Don’t grow weary in doing good (Gal. 6:9). Keep loving with God’s love. Your love might be returned with injury, but please, please, please, don’t stop! God’s love streaming through you can save a life! And remember, that sometimes love is tough. It doesn’t put up with lies and self-pity and it doesn’t bow to the whim of the loveless person’s emotions. God-love stands firm on God’s truth. My husband does a wonderful job of stopping me in my tracks when I go down the path of lies. He simply won’t let me continue. I can recall many occasions where he left the room when I was spewing caustic insults and lies his way. You don’t have to stand there and take it. But continue to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). Stay rooted in your walk with the Lord so you will abide in the resource of His love to pour out to others.

I was sinking deep in sin

Far from the peaceful shore

Very deeply stained within

Sinking to rise no more.

But the master of the sea

Heard my despairing cry

And from the waters lifted me

Now safe am I. 

Love lifted me

Love lifted me

When nothing else could help

Love lifted me!!!

~ James Rowe

Tame the Crave – Lessons Learned from Hunger

Fear, anger, hunger. All can be normal, healthy feelings. If a grizzly bear is chasing me through the forest, fear is absolutely healthy and helpful! If I get angry when I see a child being abused, that is a good and motivating anger. If it’s 9PM and I haven’t eaten all day, I need to listen to those hunger pangs.

But our enemy is all too skilled and practiced in turning these God given feelings into unhealthy and sinful behavior.

If I sit wringing my hands in worry over an event that has precisely .00002 percent chance of happening, my fear pulls me away from my relationship with God and trust in Him. If I lash out when someone unknowingly offends me, that anger has control of me, not the Holy Spirit. If I feed every hunger, even though I know logically I’ve already had enough to eat, then my belly has become my god (Phil 3:19), instead of my Savior. 

In his second letter to the Corinthian church, Paul recounts the multitude of tremendous trials he has endured for the the love of God and the love of the Body of Christ. He reminds the Corinthians of what He has been through to bring them the gospel and the teaching of Christ. In the middle of his list of difficulties he lists hunger.

Hunger.

Paul went hungry for the sake of others. Where would we be today if Paul had put his own comfort and desires above the will of God? What if he had sought satisfaction for his belly instead of the calling of Christ?

You know who else set this example for us?

Jesus.

Twice accounted.

The first was His temptation in the wilderness. Jesus had been fasting for forty days. Then Satan came and tempted Him with food. Even though He was very hungry, He refused. Why? He was obedient to the Father. If He hadn’t been obedient, He couldn’t have been our Savior. If He hadn’t been obedient, He wouldn’t be our example.

The second was on the cross. In his gospel, John relates how Jesus, hanging on the cross, crown of thorns pressed into His head, waited. He waited until all His Father’s work was done.

“After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, ‘I thirst!'” (John 19:28)

Jesus put the will of His Father above the desires of His flesh – even when He was in agony. 

 

We have numerous examples in Scripture of what happens when people serve their cravings rather than God. Most notable are the Israelites. They “willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they crave” (Psalm 78:18). They chose their bellies over God, and that choice had life-changing ramifications. That generation traded God’s abundance for desert wanderings.

I echo Lysa TerKeurst in her book “Made to Crave” –

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wander about in a ‘desert,’ unable to enter into the abundant life God has for me because I willfully put Him to the test over food!”

So I wonder, should we always obey hunger?

Is hunger always a truth requiring action? A truth that I must obey? Obviously I don’t obey my full signals, otherwise I wouldn’t be on this journey. But I usually obey hunger, those momentary pangs trump most everything when they arrive.

But when I obey hunger I makes rationalizations and excuses. When I obey hunger I let it take hold of my emotions – mostly the grumpy one. When I obey hunger I take my mind off of the one who made both my belly and food to fill it.

Sometimes I must ignore hunger if it interferes with my obedience to my God.

 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power. 

1 Corinthians 6:12-14

Please don’t mistake me. I’m in no way condoning starving ourselves and I’m not necessarily encouraging fasting. The challenge I want to present to you and me is this: choose to feed our relationship with God over our relationship with food. To let our Gentle Shepherd lead us rather than our voracious appetites.

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for sending Your Son to not only save us from the penalty of our sin, but to also be the perfect example we can look to for help in every area of life. Jesus, and many many who follow Him, have shown us how to truly love You – by obeying Your eternal will instead of our temporary desires.

I am so thankful that You are continuing to refine me and make me more like Your Son. Even in this area of food.

Help me Lord, to replace my hunger for unhealthy treats and overindulgence with hunger and thirst for Your righteousness (Matthew 5:6). I trust You to satisfy in a deeper an more powerful way than any delicious tidbit.

Thank you Lord that obedience in this way brings relatively quick results: weight loss, more energy, better sleep. Help me to also be obedient in areas where results are often delayed for years or even until heaven.

I choose to love You more than food.

Amen

P.S. – It’s Wednesday weigh-in day. My results today were more encouraging than last week’s. Down another 1.8 pounds – I’ll take it!