Kim Rettmann

A Mother Marked By Christ

Everyone has an opinion of what it looks like to be a good mom. You’ve probably heard all sorts of different, maybe even contradictory, advice. You’ve read some parenting books and practically memorized “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and “What to Expect the First Two Years.” (I might know this from experience) 😉

But as Christians, we have something in common that is very different than the rest of the world. We have Christ. We enjoy His salvation. We hope in His coming.

But how does this impact our mothering? How does is mark our motherhood?

I want to share with you four ways that I am learning to let Christ mark my motherhood and I hope it’s an encouragement to us all to be Mother’s Marked by Christ.

First and foremost, a mother marked by Christ fixes her mind on eternity.

Our Young Married’s group recently went through a book that confronted us with a question I will never forget: “Whose kingdom are you building?”

A mother marked by Christ doesn’t get caught up in building her own perfect kingdom – with the perfect décor, paint colors, cleanliness, the perfect vegetable garden, organically grown and locally sourced menu……. or the perfectly behaved children.

A mother marked by Christ has her hope fixed on God’s kingdom and uses her time and energy to witness to, disciple, teach, and encourage her children and those God has put around her. She loves God more than she loves this world and she urges others to do the same.

She knows, in the words of C.S. Lewis, that she has “never talked to a mere mortal.” We are all destined for eternity, it’s the type of eternity that we have the power, in Christ, to impact in the lives of our children and friends and acquaintances.

A mother marked by Christ heeds the Word of the Lord form Colossians 3 that says:

Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Second, a mother marked by Christ firmly trusts in the Lord.

Because she loves God and his kingdom more than anything else, she trusts Him implicitly. That trust results in supernatural confidence when life is utterly uncertain and supernatural peace when circumstances are utterly chaotic. A mother marked by Christ entrusts her children to the Creator of us all and teaches them to trust Him more than they trust and rely on her.

A mother marked by Christ “Trusts in the LORD with all her heart and does not lean on her own understanding. In all her ways she acknowledges Him, And He make her paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

And since she knows the beauty and hope of trusting in God alone, she is compelled to teach her children to do the same.

Francis and Lisa Chan say this about teaching children to trust:

“We want them to trust Him more than us, to enjoy Him more than us, to find more security in Him than in us. And we are convinced that the best way to teach this is to demonstrate it. We have to make it clear to our children that we love God more than we love them.”

Thirdly, a mother marked by Christ dwells in grace, NOT in self-condemnation.

We all fail as mothers at times (well, maybe more like every day), and we will continue to experience failure until we are face to face with Christ. But, a mother marked by Christ doesn’t get stuck in failure; instead, she clings to God’s forgiveness and grace and relies upon His strength to carry her through her weakness.

In her book “Missional Motherhood,” Gloria Furman reminds us that, “motherhood isn’t an exercise in muscling up strength to do stuff for God. Missional motherhood is a walk of faith where the weak (that’s all of us) must keep before them the scenic view of the cross.” She goes on to say, “Distinctly Christian mothering is done from a posture of weakness and dependence. We nurture life in the face of death by grace through faith in Jesus.”

This is grace in motherhood – His strength in exchange for our weakness.

The apostle Paul concurs:

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

A mother marked by Christ knows that she is insufficient in and of herself, so she throws herself into the arms of her gracious Savior and relies on His strength to empower her.

And in realizing that she is fully dependent on God’s grace, she is able to share that grace with her children.

Lastly, a mother marked by Christ finds true refreshment in her relationship with her Heavenly Father. (You can read more of my thoughts on this topic here.)

A mother marked by Christ gets tired, overwhelmed, and stressed-out – just like any other mom. But she knows the solution. She knows where to turn for true refreshment and peace and comfort. She sees through the world’s lies that a mani-pedi, massage, Netflix binge, chocolate, or coffee can offer the cure to a stressed-out day, week, or month. She knows self-love is perhaps the deadliest lie of all.

A mother marked by Christ knows and experiences the true refreshment and comfort that only comes from her intimate relationship with the Lord – dwelling in and enjoying His love for her.

A mother marked by Christ obeys His command to:

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

She humbly learns from and leans on her gentle Savior.

As the rest of you moms know, this just scratches the surface of this beautiful and challenging, exhilarating and devastating thing we call motherhood.

But I hope this encourages us all to do motherhood, or any kind of nurturing, in light of our relationship to Christ.

Where Hate and Love Collide

I hate the evil in this world.

I hate what happened in Orlando, and Paris, and San Bernadino, and New York.

I hate the fact that there are false religions that preach death when the true God is the Creator and Sustainer of Life.

I hate that millions of voiceless lives have been snuffed out before they’ve had a chance to take their first breath.

I hate sex trafficking.

I hate substance abuse and addiction.

I hate the fact that foster care is needed because families are so dysfunctional.

I hate that there are parents and grandparents in this world who would sell their young children for a few dollars.

I hate that friends of mine have been victims of violence, abuse, rape and crime.

I hate loneliness.

I hate political corruption.

I hate hypocrisy and greed.

I hate starvation.

I hate bullying.

I hate the shadow of depression that has fallen on so many of us.

I hate apathy and inaction.

I hate disease, sickness, and cancer.

I hate hurricanes and earthquakes.

I hate hatred.

I hate death.

I hate the evil and fallen state of this present age.

And I hate that the same evil without, lurks within.

I hate that I yell at my kids.

I hate that I’m judgmental.

I hate that I struggle with selfishness and pride.

I hate that I’ve lied and cheated.

I hate that I’ve hated another.

I hate that I don’t love like I should.

I hate that I know what is right but I still do what is wrong.

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15

It’s sad, yes. It hurts, absolutely. But is it ok for me to hate?

What if there is a time to hate? To hate all that is evil and it’s source, Satan? Our love for the Holy God should result in hatred of what He hates. Wickedness, evil, sin. If we don’t hate these things, maybe we are loving the wrong things. And maybe misplaced hate is just as dangerous as Misplaced Love.

For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. John 3:20

Of utmost importance is this: God never tells us to hate another person. We are only to hate the evil that resides in us and in this world.

But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes. 1 John 2:11

Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 1 John 3:15

Hating others is sinful and hateful toward God and His creation.

But we can’t stop at simply hating what God hates. We have to follows His steps toward a solution. We must walk in His steps of love. In the steps of Jesus, who, while the whole world loved darkness and was lost in sin and evil and hatred toward Him, loved. Loved unto death.

He set the pattern for how we as His disciples can deal with hate.

But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you… Luke 6:27

And we know that the world hates those of us who choose His light over darkness, who choose life over death, who choose to love Him instead of loving the world.

If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. John 15:18

Let’s not fool ourselves; we can’t love and tolerate and accept everything, as the world would have us believe. We cannot serve two masters.

I pledge allegiance to the Light, Life, and Love found in Christ alone.

And because of that, there is a time to hate. More certainly, there is a time I, we, will be hated.

A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:8

In a response to a newspaper’s question, “What’s wrong with the world today?” G.K. Chesterton replied:

“Dear Sir,

I am.”

All of us are bound to answer in the same way.

Dear Tired Mom,

I’m tired too. I can’t remember the last night I slept through without waking up to tend to a child. I’m worn out by the emotional demands of trying to do what’s right when all my kids do is what’s wrong. I understand the non-stop demands of nurturing and caring for your family. And the sheer business of it all. Some days I still wonder what we were thinking having five kids in the span of six and-a-half years!

I’m guessing what you want is the same thing I want: Rest. Peace. A deep breath.

Fortunately, we live in a society that encourages moms to take a break; to take care of themselves so that they can better care for others. Even this fallen world recognizes that we all need rest – it’s the way God created us.

But, that’s where the wisdom of the world stops. In fact, I think even us Christian moms have bought in to some serious lies about self-care and rest from this world.

This is what a mom’s day off – or ‘rest’ – looks like in the world’s eyes, just to name a few:

A day at the spa

A girls night out

A Netflix binge

A glass of wine

A pedicure

A massage

A shopping spree

A cup of tea and a good book

Or for stay at home moms like me, even the thought of a part-time job out of the house, with adults, sounds refreshing!

Don’t get me wrong, most of these things sound like heaven on an average crazy day in my home. And I’ve sought some of these out as a source of refreshment, relaxation and rest on numerous occasions.

I bought into the need for ‘me-time’ earlier in my motherhood years. I craved moments when I could do what I wanted to do. I believed the lie that gratifying my own desires would rejuvenate me and make me a better mom.

But that rejuvenation only lasted about three minutes into my kids’ bickering. And what’s worse, I started getting bitter toward my kids. Because of my responsibilities toward them, I couldn’t do what I wanted to do more of the time. The problem was that the more I was concerned about my own desires, the more and more I thought about trying to fulfill them and the more I resented the obstacles in my way – usually my kids. And then I felt guilty for feeling this way about my kids. It was an awful cycle to be caught in.

Are you caught in this cycle too? Do you find that self-indulgence (sometimes conveniently labeled self-care) has left you bitter and resentful rather than refreshed? Angry at the very ones you love?

Consider this – we might be rejecting the true physical, mental, and emotional rest we so desperately need because we aren’t filling our God given need in the way He intended.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

The world says, come, tantalize your senses, fulfill your desires, indulge. The result will be a temporary satisfaction that leaves us dissatisfied and longing for more.

Jesus says, come to Me. The result will be a deep running, long lasting, supernatural rest for our souls.

I was convicted by this truth a couple years ago. I realized I was seeking rest and refreshment outside of God. I was chasing what the world told me would satisfy.

Though I still do enjoy some Netflix favorites, I’ve been filling more of my spare moments during the day with God – in His word and in communication with Him and learning from Him. And I’ve begun to experience that deep soul rest that He promises.

But here’s one of the other fantastic benefits of choosing to be refreshed by Jesus: the more I am learning about Him and about who I am in Christ, the more I am becoming Spirit controlled throughout my days. And the more I am becoming Spirit controlled, the better mom I am becoming! No other worldly indulgence can give me rest and lead me into more successful mothering at the same time! Jesus’ offer is the best by far.

Fellow moms, can I exhort you today with something I wish I’d learned years ago? There is true and deep rest to be enjoyed! Even in the most difficult seasons of life. Please don’t make the mistakes I have made of seeking rest in all the wrong places. I know that reading the Bible and praying doesn’t always sound like it will feel refreshing in our moments of thorough fatigue. But, will you heed the call of Jesus and come? Will you give Him a chance? Will you put the temporary pleasures on the back burner for a few minutes and lean on the Gentlest of all Teachers? I promise it will make all the difference – because that’s His promise.

“Work is not always required of a man. There is such a thing as a sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected.” George MacDonald

Stuck

It’s been a few weeks since I have written an update on my health journey. I guess the primary reason is that not much has happened.

I weighed in again today, as I do every Wednesday, only to find I’m stuck at the same weight I’ve been at for the last three weeks.

It’s most frustrating this week because I took some extra steps toward healthier eating (like not eating after dinner) and being more active. In my mind that all should have added up to some small result on the scale. But it didn’t.

As I contemplate this, I’m reminded of other areas in life that I get frustrated by lack of results, too. Parenting – I can speak the wisest words to my children, but they won’t necessarily heed them. Friendship – sometimes my investment never is reciprocated. Even cleaning! – I can clean for an hour yet still be dissatisfied because it doesn’t stay clean for longer than a day around here.

So, I’m tempted to ask myself, “Why keep trying?”

I keep trying because the unseen results are far more valuable than the seen. The obedience I am learning, the ability to say no to cravings, and the peace and comfort that comes with filling up on God rather than on food – All of these things are conforming my inner self into the image of my Savior.

Whether my outer-self will continue to change, that remains to be seen.

So, I’m not on a diet. I’m on a journey with Jesus to learn the fine art of self-discipline for the purpose of holiness. ~Lysa TerKeurst Made to Crave

My result this week wasn’t what I had hoped for. But, it led me to inspect the more beautiful and lasting results this journey has wrought in my life. In recognizing those results, I’m motivated to keep trying and to endure – to pursue holiness in every area of life.

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.”

1 Peter 1:14-16

Misplaced Love

Have you ever experienced the oh so gentle, yet precise, piercing of God’s truth through your soul?

I recently received a new piercing; one that is still a bit tender.

You see, I’ve been on this Love Quest for 2106, seeking to learn more about God’s love and how to better love Him and others. I struggle to love. Hence my journey.

Most people would probably say that the opposite of love is hate, but the more I’m submerged in my study, I’m not so sure that’s true.

God has been turning my Love Quest upside down and giving me a look at it’s underbelly – taking me in directions I never anticipated going. He’s turning my pursuit of love into an extraction of fear. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s more of a connection between love and fear, than love and hate.

If you read my last Love Quest blog (Fear – Be My Guide), you know that I faced a fear not too long ago. I had to entrust myself to a hunk of metal hurtling through the air, 30,000 feet above the surface of the earth.

As I grappled with this fear, the Holy Spirit did some excavating in the deepest parts of me – digging down deep to the root of my fear. He revealed to me that the source of my fear was actually misplaced love.

I was afraid to fly because I was afraid to die. And the truth behind the fear of death is that I love my life more than I love God and trust Him.

Misplaced love.

And then it dawned on me that misplaced love has been the theme of most all my other fears, worries, and anxieties. I see how I’ve loved the good opinion of people more than I’ve loved God’s good opinion. And that misplaced love caused me to over-analyze and become anxious about the words I say and what I do – hoping that others will have a good opinion of me, will approve of me. I’m just like the Jewish religious leaders who were afraid to confess belief in Christ.

Nevertheless many even of the rulers believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they were not confessing Him, for fear that they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God. (John 12:42-43)

Ouch. How would you like to go down in history with, “they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God,” as your legacy? Not me. No thank you.

I see myself in Peter, too.

Our impulsive friend Peter who, because he loved the approval of man and his own life, denied his identification with Christ three times, as the Savior was making His way to the cross to die for people who didn’t love Him like they should – people like you and me and Peter. I might as well have been standing in Peter’s shoes because I would have done the same exact thing.

But it was this next realization about Peter’s story and mine that’s still stirring my soul, and I think forever will.

Do you remember what the resurrected Jesus asked Peter by the sea shore? Jesus’ approach to reconciling the traitorous Peter was to bring Peter face to face with what Christ ultimately desires for us all. The questions He asks us all: “Do you love me more than these?”

“So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He *said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.”

He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Shepherd My sheep.”

He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Tend My sheep.” John 21:15-17

In my ears ring the questions: “Daughter of mine, do you love me more than what others think of you? Do you love me more than your own hopes and dreams? Do you love me more than this tent of dust I’ve put you in temporarily? Do you love me more than your husband and children? Do you love me more than your own thoughts and logic?

If fear begins to rage within me, the answer to one of those questions is usually no.

Fear is misplaced love.

When I’m afraid to fly, it’s because I love this life more than I love the Savior.

When I’m afraid of what others might think or do, it’s because I love the approval of man more than the good approval of God.

When I fear in any way for my children, it’s because I love control of them more than I love the sovereign hand of God.

But the reverse is also true.

If misplaced love breeds fear, then rightly placed love breeds confidence. As my love settles more and more on my Maker, I’m finding deeper trust, peace, and rest in His character and His plan for not only my life, but for all of creation. But it’s an ongoing process of noticing areas of misplaced love, forsaking those things, and letting my love cling to Him instead.

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. (1 John 2:15)

Never has it rung so true to me as it does now.

We are not victims to fear. We are willing participants, walking right into the darkness it brings.

But the solution, the cure, is summed up so simply:

And he answered, “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” (Luke 10:27)

Is this a truth that pierces you as it does me?

Place your love where it belongs.