Uncategorized – Page 4

Softer is Stronger

The attack assailed me – swift and unexpected. I was turned the other direction, fortifying different strategic locations. A word. A thought. A deception. It sneaked in and lodged itself in a vulnerable and fatigued corner of my mind. Fiery darts robed in questions. Questions craftily construed by the Enemy.

They say there are no dumb questions.

But I say there are downright evil ones. Questions meant to condemn, not to bring to light.

These are the questions upon which our Enemy relies.

Who do you think you are? He taunts me.

The burning interrogation paralyzes me. The Accuser knows only a question is needed, not a blatant accusation. He needn’t condemn, only touch a nerve that triggers self-condemnation. He knows how my flesh will answer. I’m nobody, not worthy, arrogant to think I should attempt anything, others despise me and look on me with disgust. I should stay home, say no, retreat.

Only a second and a half does it take for my mind to be lit ablaze by my own untrue responses to ill-intended questions. I am overcome.

But I’ve been here before, Enemy. And I’ve learned. It may take an hour and a half to stand firm against what you started in a moment, but you won’t overcome this time. I don’t have the answers, but I know Who does. I have an Advocate.

I’ve attempted a steel-hearted approach before – sticking my fingers in my ears and turning my face away, hardening my heart with self-willed firmness against your blows. But my self-made shield is like jello compared to the defense I’m learning I already possess!

My heart is growing softer, and softer is stronger.

Softer surrenders to what is Truer and Stronger than you.

A softening heart toward the Omnipotent One is my greatest defense.

Go ahead and try me, Deceiver.

Who do you think you are, to counsel others?

I am one in whom the Holy Spirit dwells. I am one to whom the wisdom of God Almighty is available. I have been justified and taught of Christ. I am a vessel through which God’s wisdom can flow.

(James 1:5; 2 Cor. 1:22; Romans 5:1; 2 Timothy 2:21)

Who do you think you are, to teach and write?

I am one who believes the truth and listens to the truth. I am one who is supernaturally gifted to build up the body of Christ. I am one who is obedient to the call of God.

(Proverbs 21:28; Romans 12:6-8; 1 John 2:3-6)

Who do you think you are, to lead?

I am one who was created to do good works. I am one who has been given the truest example of leadership in my Savior – becoming a servant of all. He teaches me that leading isn’t about becoming greater than, instead it’s about becoming less than. You tempt me to pride, but God guides me to humility.

(Ephesians 2:10; Mark 9:35; James 4:10)

Who do you think you are, to walk in confidence?

I am one who stands perfect and spotless in Christ. I am loved. I am sealed for eternity. I am never forsaken. I have Christ in me, the hope of glory.

(Romans 5:8; Colossians 1:27; Hebrews 13:5; Ephesians 1:13)

The fiery darts of the Enemy assail me, but I know where my protection is. It’s not in a hardening heart, buffeting itself from destructive blows. No. My protection and salvation comes from letting an ever softening heart settle into an armor form-fitted to me.

When the fiery darts would burn me up and destroy me, I am untouched. Because my faith-shield was forged by the Living Water. His is a pure and powerful water able to extinguish in a flash the scorching arrows of the enemy. I am unscathed because I brandish Christ. He is the answer to all the Enemy’s questions. He gave an answer for us once and for all at the cross and when He rose victorious from the grave. A soft heart knows it is powerless to fight alone, so it robes itself in the strength of God’s might.

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.” Ephesians 6:10

Twisted Admiration

Her presence reaches beyond the bounds of her physical body. At least it seems from where I’m sitting, a few chairs over at our shared round banquet table.

We share a table at dinner. We share a similar height and hair color. We share the role of mother and the desire for work for the Kingdom of God.

But I don’t see those obvious similarities in this moment.

When I look at her I see what I long for. I see what I crave but don’t have.

She holds a doctorate. She runs a ministry. She teaches at a university.

I compare and consequently fall prey to jealousy. I see what she has and call it ‘good,’ ‘admirable,’ altogether better and more desirable than my lot in life.

Jealousy is twisted admiration.

I must leave. I flee to the ladies room to grapple with my feelings. To tame my jealousy.

I fight the tears. God! Let this pass quickly – don’t let my face turn crying red! I don’t want to have to explain myself when I finally go back out there!

But I don’t want to go back. I want to run away. The longing is too deep and the NO from God is too painful. And I don’t understand why it’s a NO for me but a YES for her.

As I sop up my tears with a rough paper towel, and pat my face with cool water, the Holy Spirit impresses upon my heart two words – move closer.

Everything within me wants to run far away from this woman, to flee my jealousy instead of deal with it. But God tells me to move closer to her; to move closer to my internal battle.

So I do.

The redness begins to fade; it’s safe to return to the table. I sit in emotional shambles for the remainder of the program. The program is over and mingling begins. There she is, a couple empty seats over, and I force myself to speak. I move toward her, ask her about herself, pretending I’m fully engaged in trying to get to know her. Pretending I truly care about her, even though I’m still absorbed in my own misery.

A subtle shift begins to take place in my heart. No longer am I pretending, forcing myself to converse. I genuinely begin to feel a connection to this woman, to see her as a child of God, not a threat. She’s a lovely person. She’s not my problem, I am.

The source of my discomfort and pain is not her success, rather it’s my failure to see and take delight in the unique ways God is at work in both our lives.

God unlocked a new way of perceiving to my heart that night. He graciously revealed another dark place in my heart and prompted me to move toward the pain, jealousy, and unfulfilled longings.

In moving toward it, I found correction that led to a softening heart and to peace.

Is there is something you need to move closer to today, instead of fleeing? You might be surprised by what happens when you choose to move closer!

Thanks to the kind working of God in my heart, that evening I experienced a glimpse of what it is to take delight in another person’s achievement. To be sincerely thankful for what God is doing in their life.

I also came face to face, again, with the fact that maybe my desires don’t always reflect God’s desires, or at least not His timing. The same God that is working in others is working in me. When I trust HIS work, I learn to be satisfied with my portion and find Delight in my present circumstances. When I trust HIS work, I learn to rejoice with those who are accomplishing great things for the kingdom of God, even it’s something I wish I could be doing too. Because it’s ultimately all about His kingdom and His praise and His glory!

God is slowly turning my twisted admiration into true appreciation.

“But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another.”

Galatians 6:4

More than ever, I am persuaded that the only endeavor of true value in this life is Aiming at Heaven – pursing a loving and obedient relationship with our Creator and Savior. It’s my goal for this blog to share with you how God is continuing to teach and transform this life of mine that it might be an encouragement as He teaches and transforms you too! If you would like to receive an email when a new post is published, you can sign up below. It only takes a moment.

Baggage Watching

Sometimes I feel left behind. Many times, especially when my kids were younger, I felt like my Pastor husband was on the front lines of ministry – going on trips, attending lunch meetings, responding to church member’s emergencies – while I was left back at home to ‘just’ take care of the kids and the household.

A few Sundays ago, a woman in our congregation shared her testimony during our morning worship service. Part of her testimony included my husband, Cyrus, coming to help her family in a time of need and ultimately leading her father, who was on his deathbed, into a relationship with Jesus. This was such wonderful news, and I am still praising God!

But, there’s this little part of me that wishes I could have been there too. I want to join Cyrus on the front lines. I want to be involved, to be used by God in incredible and life-changing ways. I want a piece of the action.

Maybe it’s a terrible confession to make, but this call to be a stay at home mom can feel insignificant at times; like I’m missing out on the really important things in life.

Though I am able to be involved in ministry more now than ever, I know that a huge part of my calling at this season is still primarily to focus on loving and serving my husband and family. Our culture may scoff at this, but I’m becoming more and more convinced that wives and moms have tremendous opportunity to make a difference in the kingdom of God, simple and as unseen as it may be.

So I’ll keep watching the baggage.

Go back a few thousand years with me and I’ll explain.

The Old Testament book of First Samuel recounts a select few conquests and failures of David and his mighty men. They spent years together battling, on the front lines, to protect what God had given the nation of Israel. On one particular occasion, while the men were away battling, the Amalekites raided David’s camp and took everything: livestock, gold and silver, women and children. So after one long, hard battle, the need arose for the men to go once more into battle – to retrieve what the Amalekites had stolen. God told him to go and promised David that every single thing taken from his camp would be recovered.

So it was time for battle once more. The problem was that many of these mighty men of David’s were exhausted. So David decided to leave 200, about a third, of his warriors to stay behind and guard the baggage.

When those who went to battle with David returned with all the recovered belongings, the fighting men decided that those who stayed behind didn’t deserve any of the recovered goods, except for their wives and children. It’s how we often function too. Finders, keepers.

But David recognized the truth: all that the men had won back in the battle was ultimately a gift from God. God was the great deliverer, not this rascally group of fighters. So David declared, “For as his share is who goes down to the battle, so shall his share be who stays by the baggage; they shall share alike.” (1 Samuel 30:24)

The baggage watchers played an integral role in the safety of the whole group. Someone needed to stay behind to care for the baggage – to make sure even more wasn’t stolen! David recognized this, and he also recognized that it is God who decides what each person receives.

EVERYONE is significant in His sight.

Are you starting to see the connection?

Yes, I suppose I am comparing my children to baggage…. but just go there with me for a minute.

I often succumb to the Enemy’s lie that I have to be on the front lines to be worthwhile, to deserve some sort of reward or recognition. That staying put, being a caretaker, is a waste of time and effort.

But the truth is that no single part in the kingdom of God is more valuable than another. No calling is more spiritual than another.

And the truth is that God gets to decide how each will be rewarded in eternity. Who is to say that a devoted wife and mother who seeks to love God by loving her family won’t be rewarded just as much, if not more than a missionary or a pastor?

Our Heavenly Father regards the attitudes of our hearts and our Spirit led actions, more than He assesses the product of our self-willed hands.

All of us are “baggage watchers” in some way. Maybe you are busy working behind the scenes in order that someone else will shine. Maybe you are in a season where, because of physical ailments, you actually can not do the things you wish you could. Maybe, like me, God has called you primarily to a support role for a season, rather than a front-lines action role.

If you feel stuck watching the baggage, remember that your role is still important. Your joyful “baggage watching” will be rewarded by the One who knows hearts, sees all and gives generously. Standing guard over the baggage, whatever that looks like for you, can have eternal impact. It can be another way we all Aim at Heaven.

Keep watching that baggage faithfully and joyfully for the Lord!

I’d Rather Be Shattered

A single word of deceit sauntered from my tongue, ‘no.’ It was a simple solution, this one word, for side-stepping a discussion I didn’t want to have.

I knew in that moment what my husband did not – I bore a scarlet ‘L.’

Some may call it a white lie, avoiding the topic, harmless. However small I could justify it to be, this thing I had done, this word I had spoken, was sin.

I lied to my husband.

And it wrecked me – as it should.

If a heart that delights in God is a heart that is soft and moldable in His hands (see more about that here), such a heart will inevitably feel sorrow as well as joy. And such a heart will delightfully receive the painful work of purification, of transformation into the image of Christ – will even take joy in it!

If we don’t feel our sin, we’ve probably hardened our hearts and lost our delight in the Lord. Just as a hardened lump of clay will refuse to be formed into the artists’ vision, so a hardened heart will become unyielding to the work of The Artist.

But a soft and moldable heart, a delighted heart, will weep and mourn over its sin. And as it softens to receive the conviction, it also softens to receive the shaping, the forming, the growth.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

James 4:8-10

It’s far too easy for us all to idolize our own perspectives and ignore God’s perspectives. What I want to call avoidance, God calls sin. What I want to explain as ‘not a big deal,’ God desires me to recognize as prideful refusal to obey His ways.

I lied to my husband. I could keep the lie, covered in fig leaves, or I could confess the truth and unfold a pathway to peace with God and peace with my brother in Christ.

No more than five minutes later, I had confessed to God and my spouse, but what remained was a deep sadness that I had done such a thing in the first place. I probably think too highly of myself to begin with (as all us duty-prone people tend to do) to be so surprised by my sin, but this lie was a reminder of my fantastic capacity for sin; my great need for a Savior; my undeserved perfect position in Christ.

With these heavy, mournful feelings, the fingers of the Artist pressing into my softening heart, I exhaled a new song to the Lord, my fingers at the keyboard:

I bring You my dirty hands, You take my heart instead.

In sacrifice You take no pleasure.

For the sins of all, You died and You bled.

To make all who come Your treasure.

Let me not forget the weight of my sin.

Help me know the depths of Your forgiveness.

And when this heart grows stone-like with pride,

Shatter me with Your waves of grace.

And when I fail to do what You’ve called me to,

And I do the things You’ve asked me not to,

Still Your gift of mercy withholds Your hand of wrath.

You’ve redeemed this wretched sinner.

Let me not forget the weight of my sin.

Help me know the depths of Your forgiveness.

And when this heart grows stone-like with pride,

Shatter me with Your waves of grace.

Sorrow and mourning are the result of a softened and delighted heart. It is a hardened heart that explains away sin and is unmoved by evil within or without.

I’d rather be shattered.

What about you?

It’s as if Paul were speaking to me instead of the Corinthians: “I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God.” (2 Corinthians 7:9)

You Have Done Well

Some days I pause to read God’s Word, expecting great new insight or encouragement, only to finish without receiving such things. Though I never regret investing my time this way.

Other days, I pause to read with few expectations, only to be met by the most intimate communication from my Creator. Such was Thursday morning – Praise the Lord!

On Thursday mornings we have three get-the-kids-to-school shifts. Lydia needs to be to school by 6:45 AM for orchestra; Ruth, Charis and Caleb by 7:40 for their school day to begin; Lukas to pre-school by 9:00.

Like many other early Thursday mornings, I made Lydia’s lunch and fed her breakfast, then my husband Cyrus took her to school and headed for the YMCA to get some exercise. Between their departure and the waking of the next round of kiddos, I had a few moments to dip my mind into the renewing water of the Word. I’ve been reading through the Psalms and Thursday’s chapter was 110. It’s a shorter Psalm, a messianic one too, but I honestly don’t remember much of it’s content even now. I figured it must just be one of those days where reading the Word was more of an act of diligence than an experiential delight.

After that initial dip in Scripture, it was time to reenter the reality of getting cranky sleepy kids out of bed and ready for the day. Then came more lunches and more breakfasts and a drive to school and back (all while still in my PJs). At home with only one child, I found a few moments to eat my breakfast, sip my tea, and drink in more of the Word. Mercifully, Lukas occupied himself quite nicely for twenty minutes or so – hallelujah!

Philippians chapters three and four were next on my agenda. Powerful messages can be found in those words, phrases, sentences. And powerful was the whisper of the Lord as I journeyed through these familiar pages.

Our great Author used two particular verses to speak to my heart in ways I wasn’t even aware I needed! And what He spoke to me in those heavenly moments, He may want to speak to some of you.

It’s a message for the mothers, the servers, the helpers, the caretakers. It’s a message for all who lay down their lives for another.

In Philippians 4:10-13, Paul reveals to us how he manages to be content with little or much in this life, and that the secret is Christ’s strength. But then he adds one more short verse, sort of a tagline to the paragraph: “Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction.” (verse 14).

Those few words washed over my soul as a much needed affirmation, and tears of relief and peace began to trickle down my cheeks. It was as if the Lord was saying to me, “I see you, you are doing well!”

In my minds eye, I saw my husband, my children, friends, specific people whom God has called me to walk with through this life. And they were saying to me, through the movement of the Holy Spirit, “Thank you. You’ve been by my side. You’ve walked with me through shadows. You’ve shared my pain, my affliction. You have done well.”

Though most of the faces I saw in my mind may never actually say such things, God said them to me in their place.

And that’s the message I want to pass on to you too. How rarely we as moms or caretakers or counselors or helpers hear these words from those we give our energies to. But regardless of others’ recognition, God sees and He knows. God sees when we join our lives with the afflicted; whether it’s a band-aid on a skinned knee, a shoulder to cry on when pre-teen friendships wreak havoc, hours sacrificed to walk alongside a friend in pain, or money given to protect the ‘least of these’ in a foreign country.

Just as Paul recognized the great love of the Philippians toward him in their sharing of his afflictions, God sees you when you give of yourself for the sake of another. And you are doing well to do so!!!

But that’s not the whole message.

I grabbed a nearby napkin, dabbed my eyes, wiped my nose. Feeling enveloped in affirmation, I continued to read the rest of chapter four. And it only took a few more verses before the Lord struck my heart once more. I read, “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (verse 19)

In my teary eyed, pajama clad moment with the Lord, this verse became a more personal promise to me than ever before. God knows I’m in need of His help as a mother, wife, and minister in His kingdom. And not only does He see and affirm my service to others, but He has and will continue to provide the love and wisdom I so desperately require in order to carry on.

As we continue to help, to mother, to care for, to stand with the afflicted, we can rest in His resource, in His rich supply. We can bear one another’s burdens because Christ has borne ours on the cross of Calvary.

So, my fellow laborers (pun intended :)), remember today that your God sees you, is pleased with you, and will continue to strengthen you! No matter what anyone else says or doesn’t say, you can rest in knowing Your Creator knows all.

May this truth envelop you in God’s love and affirmation the way it did me this past Thursday morning.

We can rest in God’s estimation of us rather than other people’s opinions when we work as unto the Lord. Our service to others is a means by which we ultimately serve God, so it’s His opinion that matters. In this, we are Aiming At Heaven.

Thank you for stopping by today and I pray you are encouraged by what you’ve read! If you’d like to subscribe to Aiming At Heaven and receive email notification of new posts and content, simply sign up below.

God Bless!